i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
