so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
