Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
