Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
