Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
