Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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