god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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