I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
