You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
