So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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