I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The air taste purple.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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