i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
