This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
