Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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