I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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