just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i out mim tonsoeep
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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