Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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