apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
