Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
