I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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