I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He better not be in your backpack
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
