1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
