I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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