i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
