He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
