What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
