Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
