Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
