He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
