I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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