So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
