can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
