Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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