they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
