Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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