Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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