billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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