my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Randomize
