I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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