Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
