My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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