if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
