ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
