If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
