If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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