i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
