Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
