checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
