I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Randomize
