When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
