I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
