life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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