New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
